How to Grieve the Loss of a Pet
The loss of a pet can be heartbreaking. Even though relationships with pets can differ from relationships with humans, the grief of losing your animal companion can feel just as powerful, sometimes more so, as losing a close human friend or family member. Losing a pet, whether sudden or expected, elicits a grief response. It’s normal to go through many stages of emotions over weeks, months, and even years. Feelings come and go, sometimes re-emerging stronger or seemingly out of nowhere. Some feelings you might experience including: loneliness, sadness, confusion, guilt, anger, distractibility, or irritability. In the early stages just after your pet dies, you might be very attuned to missing their presence around your home. An energy is missing. An expected greeting or companion behavior you got used to experiencing is now missing. You might even revisit feelings that accompanied past life losses.
It takes time and acceptance to heal from loss. Here is what you can do to take care of yourself during your grieving process.
GIVE YOURSELF TIME.
With time, your pain’s severity might ease, but know that grief can resurface months or years after the loss. Grief does not follow a timeline, there is not end date to strive for. I know this feels hard and there may be days where you think, “When will I stop feeling like this? When will I be able to move on?” If you can, take time off from work or other responsibilities after your loss. Our society has a tendency to gloss over the grieving process asking people to dive right back into life as if nothing significant just took place. Instead, I encourage you to give yourself time and space to feel your grief and express it. This might feel difficult and frustrating at times, but it’s necessary. Please try and be patient with yourself and not rush your healing. Perhaps reminding yourself that all things in life have a contrast. In this case, love comes with grief but would you ever trade that love? Most people would say no, even if pain comes with it.
ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR PAIN.
Allowing yourself to feel everything you’re feeling is an essential part of the healing process. This might involve sitting with yourself and allowing yourself to reflect and cry. Cry, cry cry. This is your body’s way to releasing energy and emotion in such an intelligently healing way. It might also involve openly sharing memories of your pet with friends and loved ones. Remember that you cannot heal from a loss by suppressing your grief and trying to carry on as usual. Grief can be incredibly uncomfortable and messy to experience, but emotional release sets the stage for a healthy path forward toward healing.
Reflect on all the good and celebrate the amazing life of your pet.
FINDING BALANCE.
During stages of grief, it’s not uncommon to let your self-care fall out of routine. While it’s fine to put responsibilities “on hold” for some time, it’s not healthy to stay in that mode for too long. It’s appropriate to allow yourself to focus on your mental and physical health even while you’re grieving. Many people feel guilty “acting normal” during their grieving process as if this is a betrayal toward the deceased pet. This is not selfish or uncaring, it’s essential. It’ll do you good to start gentle movement (a walk in nature is my recommendation), trying to regulate a sleep schedule, get some social interaction, and choosing healthy nutrition. You might also spend a little time doing meaningful work or participating in a hobby. Some people also worry that if they stop thinking about their deceased pet that it’ll hurt the pet’s feelings or be perceived that they didn’t really care about that pet. Nothing could be further from the truth. Over time, thinking about your deceased pet will take different shape. You may think of him/her less often or even think of the good times and positive memories. You might even choose to get a new pet. This is not a betrayal to the lost pet’s existence. This is a form of acceptance of “what is” and allowing yourself to offer love and a good life to another beautiful creature.
FIND OTHERS WHO CAN RELATE.
Grief and loss is a universal human experience. We might not all go through the exact grieving process in the same way, but we can all relate to losing something that had meaning or value to us. Connecting with others who have had similar experiences can make a big difference in your healing journey. Relating to others about what this type of grief feels like and possibly learning what helped others cope and move forward could be a valuable asset to your healing. If you aren’t able to find anyone in your day-to-day life who can relate, you can seek out online forums and communities to connect with. Trying searching for terms such as “pet loss support” to find a list of services or groups offered.
PLAN A CEREMONY OR MEMORIAL FOR YOUR PET.
Planning a ceremony or way of remembering your pet is a useful way to honor their life and all the memories they have given you. Consider planting a tree or creating a scrapbook to remember your pet. Some pet owners find it helpful to keep photos of them up around their home as a way to stay connected. It’s never “weird” to talk to your pet even after they have passed on. Sometimes photos allow you to do this. By choosing a way to remember your pet, family members can express their feelings while also finding closure in celebrating their pet’s life. This combination can be healing and comforting.
SEEK ADDITIONAL HELP.
Sometimes loss can impact us deeply causing daily life and interactions to be a struggle. If you don’t address your loss openly and directly, you may be setting yourself up for future mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety, or posttraumatic stress disorder. Therapists are trained to help you work through all kinds of hard experiences, including grief and loss. There is absolutely no shame in asking for support in processing the loss of your beloved animal.
If you would like support, please don’t hesitate to schedule a session so we can get you on a proper path to healing. Remember, no grieving process is identical and no timeline fits everyone’s experience the same. Trust what you feel you need and give yourself patience and grace as you take steps to move forward day by day.